And if the world ended tomorrow?

l0l5saturdaynit @ 2007-08-18T22:14:00

2007-08-19T04:11:41Z

I am back.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=231225900

The End.

What does a girl have to do to get laid around here?

2007-08-15T02:37:10Z

Apparently it is the summer of getting hit on by obscenely hot assholes. And the sort-of-chubby cute guy that keeps staring at me still hasn't found the balls to talk to me, and God knows I'll never have the courage to talk to him. While I am looking forward to going back to RISD in three weeks, I will be surrounded by either gay men or guys that are so fucking weird I want nothing to do with them.

Delightful.

I'm working on getting some up-to-date pictures taken so I can get back on myspace. My knowledge of new bands is becoming slightly pitiful without it, and there are still some people I'd like to stay in touch with.

Long time, no LJ

2007-07-08T20:41:55Z

This entry is more for the purpose of venting than anything else. My apologies.

It's been awhile, LJ, and while I can't say that I have truly missed you, I feel the need to utilize you. After all, I am 19 now, which means I only have one more year to get all the teen angst out of my system before I become a melodramatic adult.

On Friday, I went to the First Friday art walk which, for those of you who don't know, is when all the art galleries open in Denver. I was with my ex, David, who is more and more becoming my boyfriend again, much to my own dismay.

All of a sudden, though a break in the hipsters and older couples, this guy in a white shirt comes through. Athen, one of my friends from RISD, was standing there for about a second before he ran up to hug me. I've spent most of the summer trying to forget about RISD and Providence. I stopped getting on facebook to keep in contact with my friends, I've even ceased speaking about my classmates, but seeing Athen was just too much. By the time I made it back to my car, I just broke down.

Hell, I'm not even that great of friends with Athen. In fact, I flat out disliked him for the first month or so. This was the same guy that spent almost an hour trying to convince me to start masturbating. And yet, just seeing him over coffee yesterday was the happiest I have been since my return.

Colorado is draining me. The friends I have here are a cruel reminder of the caliber of individuals I am accustomed to back in Rhode Island. I can't even produce artwork anymore.

Yet, after I'm done with this I'll probably end up calling people to see if they want to go clubbing with me tonight, even though The Church is becoming an increasingly funnier joke of a goth night. It just reminds me of the scene in Rhode Island which, even though I only went twice, was pretty much everything I wanted a goth scene to be.

But I suppose it's still one month down, two to go.

RISD

2006-09-11T05:21:26Z

Art School is Highly Entertaining.

I had no idea participating in condescending activities generally reserved for summer camp could be so much fun. Art kids are fantastically bazaar, as I always knew they were, but most enjoyable.

Despite her penchant for Emo music, my roommate is pretty cool. Quite multi-cultural, as it turns out. She was born in Korea, then moved to Canada, and is now going to RISD. A little too Hot Topic for my taste, but these things happen.

And...yeah. I'll spare the internet the extensive gorey details of the past few days. They were slightly awkward to live through, and I doubt a translation into blog format would make them any less so.

l0l5saturdaynit @ 2006-08-07T12:48:00

2006-08-07T18:58:48Z

Dear DJs at The Church,

The Labyrinth soundtrack does not constitute as goth. I love David Bowie just as much as the next rational human being, but that was entirely unnecessary. Also, cheesy 80s New Wave songs don't count either. And the Scissor Sisters are GAY DISCO. I realize the entertainment value of such a band, but dear lord:

"When you're walkin' down the street
And the man tries to get your business
And the people that you meet
Want to open you up like Christmas"

Additionally, I would like to know when commenting on a girl's breast size has ever worked as a pick-up line.

Oh, Mansonites. What hilarity you provide.

2006-07-07T05:31:36Z

HAHAHAHA. Ohh. This made my week. Some Hot Topic girl from my school friended me on myspace. You know, the ones that desperately seek your attention and acceptance because, hey, I wear all black too! So, I thought I’d try to help her look like less of a moron, which, of course, backfired. Here is her profile:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=54367004

Hilarity ensues:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cloud

Haha, oh God, you kids crack me up.

And gothic? Sweetie, you wouldn't know what goth is if Peter Murphy spat in your face. Grow up.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Spike
Date: Jul 6, 2006 9:41 PM

how the hell is a different color gonna make my lips look any fucking bigger? i could really give a flying fuck to what you have to say. if i want to wear black lip stick i will. if you were trying to be nice or some shit like that go fucking you but i could really fucking care less. your the first person to say some thing in the past 4 years about my fucking make up and im not going to change. and trust me i have seen people who look like shit in black lip stick and i am not one of them. look dont give me any more of your fucking suggestions because the next thing your gonna be telling me is that you look like shit in black stop being gothic fuck your not a true got because you listen to Marilyn fucking manson. just becasue i listen to his fucking music doesnt mean im a fucking follower. fuck i listen to ICP too but you dont see me walking around with their shit on yelling woop woop to every fucking juggelo i see. XOXO

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cloud
Date: Jul 6, 2006 8:04 PM

Mostly that you stop wearing black lipstick because it makes your lips look small. It's not even that personal of a comment, I've seen perhaps one person that can pull off black lipstick, and he was black. Try purple or burgundy.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Spike
Date: Jul 6, 2006 1:25 PM

sure. what are you suggesting?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cloud
Date: Jul 6, 2006 11:32 AM

Are you open to suggestions?

LMAO. The End.

Vonnegut: chauvinist or homosexual?

2006-07-06T06:12:45Z

I finished Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut today, because my bleeding liberal heart simply orgasms for anti-war propaganda like that. I was thoroughly enjoying the book; the writing style reminded me a lot of Chuck Pahalunik, if Pahalunik ever wrote about something important. However, roughly halfway through it I came to the realization that every time there was a female character, their only purpose was to have babies.

Now, considering this is a book about World War II, the female gender would obviously be expected to take a back seat, but to only be mentioned for reproduction? That's a bit offensive there, Kurt. You are supposed to be a left-wing hippie with a new-world outlook on society, one would think gender roles would be included.

The main character, Billy's wife? Mentioned for her expansive size, repulsive nature and ability to squeeze out future Green Barret material. (Oh, wait, my bad, I guess he did mention the physical attractiveness of the female characters, too. That matters just as much as their ability to pop 'em out.) Billy's daughter? Got married and became a housewife, which is how it should be, damnit. He impregnates some beautiful movie star when on display at an aline zoo. She stays in the zoo and takes care of the kid, of course.

By far my favorite character in the whole book was Maggie White, an insignificant character mentioned once at a party. Maggie "was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies. Men looked at her and wanted to fill her up with babies right away."

To which I reply: are you fucking kidding me?

A very depressing epiphany to an otherwise good book. But the question remains: is Vonnegut a chauvinist or a homosexual? The reason I bring sexual orientation into the question is because the only other author I remember making such a sweeping generalization of the female sex is Oscar Wilde, who was quite the Flamming Dandy, if you will.

Sorry for the feminist bitchfit. I'm not as angry as I sound, more like offended bemusement.

Forgot...

2006-06-01T09:10:16Z

I forgot to post about the Colorado Dark Arts Festival, which I attended this past Sunday. Surprisingly, I had a lot of fun. It was just Julie an me this year, and I forgot how much I like hanging out with just her. People seemed a lot less pretentious this year, or perhaps I am more outgoing. Or maybe wearing a green dress to a goth event it bound to rake in the compliments no matter what you do.

The lapel is messed up in those pictures, but oh well. I made that dress from scratch, pattern and all, and I'm proud as hell that it actually looks good on me (of course, it would look better if Julie wasn't so damn thin. Bitch.) I lost track of how many compliments I got on it. And these pictures are taken from this website: http://66.34.10.12/GE_gallery/GE%20CDAF.htm as I forgot my own camera.

This event reminded me why I became interested in goth to begin with (The Netherworld was playing fantastic music for some reason, Xmal-Deutchland, Siouxsie, Christian Death and the like) and the people were just nice and interesting to get to know. I could probably write a paragraph for each person I talked to, but no one would read it so I'm not going to bother.

Maybe I'll even go to The Church a few times before summer's end.

Trent Reznor can blow me

2006-06-01T08:24:06Z

I don't think I fully comprehended my dislike for Nine Inch Nails until last night. Previously, I was under the impression that their early stuff wasn't bad, but I honestly dislike them. Their music just doesn't sound good to me; there is nothing melodic about it and the lyrics are comically cliche`.

As for seeing Bauhaus for the second time: it was nice and all, but not worth $50 to see an hour set list. I thought it would be worth the money to see them play at Red Rocks (because the setting is beautiful and whatnot) but they took the stage before sundown, which not only meant that the bald spot on Peter Murphy's head was extra reflective, but it also meant that there was no smoke and lights to accompany them (and what is a goth band without an obscene amount of smoke?)

Peter Murphy and Daniel Ash were fighting on stage again. Kind of funny, but mostly awkward when the singer misses a refrain because he's yelling at the guitarist.

Haley and I left a few songs into NIN, to avoid the crowds and evade the NIN fan that was trying to hit on me. I would like to know what part of "I was here for the opening band" that that guy wasn't able to grasp. Then again, he is stupid enough to worship Trent Reznor; I can only fathom the depths of his idiocy.

On the way back, I kissed a hearse while wearing far too much lipstick, because I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. We attempted to make cookies at home, but it would appear that Haley and I are domestically impaired. Ah, well.

Columbine

2006-04-21T04:24:09Z

Today is the seventh anniversary of the Columbine massacre, and I can't help but obsess.

I remember I was in the fifth grade; they told my class there was a mountain lion near the school and wouldn't let us outside, because that's the kind of pseudo-mountain town Littleton is. Images from the television at home showing an areal view of a roof, something about "outcasts."

And all these years later, after so much death and anguish and exploitation, nothing has changed. I walk through the same halls the survivors finished their school year out in, and I understand why they did it. Administrative worship of athletes, "nerds" being spat on from balconies.

I'm not saying I condone those acts committed, no amount of bullying warrants death, but I empathize. I know what it's like to have no friends. But I toughened up, made some friends, and became a bitch on the exterior; it was necessary for me survive. I became alternative, because I want nothing to do with such a shallow society as the one that surrounds me. And I'll never forget what it feels like to be alone and rejected.

There was no one minuet of silence to honor and remember the lives lost at Columbine in school today, like there normally is. The only reminder today were the usual special edition Columbine license plates that the mainstream girls buy because they have flowers on them. But I'll remember.

No words for such bliss

2006-02-05T06:23:17Z

Yesterday my acceptance letter from both Rhode Island School of Design and Pratt Institute came in the mail. It was, perhaps, the best day of my life.

Unless Pratt offers me a phenomenal scholarship, I'm going to RISD, but I won't know until April.

I'm getting out, moving on. Goodbye mediocrity.

Can't....think....anymore

2005-12-11T07:10:05Z

The following is an accurate representation of my life for the past month:

I know. It's a terrible, terrible thing. For the past 32-odd-days, my life has had no purpose outside of getting my application done for early admission to Rhode Island School of Design. I think that sugarfree SoBe adrenaline rush should have sponsored my three drawings, because I was averaging about three a night.

I effectively ignored most of my friends during this time. Sorry, not intentional.

For those of you who don't know, RISD requires three drawings in addition to the traditional portfolio. One must be a bicyle, one of an interior or exterior space, and one free choice.

Ironically, the last time I rode a bicycle was in the fourth grade when I broke my arm on one.

Looking into my bedroom, which is spectacular if I do say so myself. Someday I'll post pictures of it.

A self portrait of myself with keys in my hair. Why, you may ask? Why not?

I want to get into this school so badly,I cannot even begin to put it into words. Although, as a consolation, my portfolio was already accepted into Pratt with an "excellent" rating so, unless they have something against my 3.8 GPA and 1320 SAT score, I'm pretty much in.

10 things that make me happy - taged by soulstrungblood and ladyofchai

2005-11-17T05:46:24Z

1.) Spare time to think about whatever I want
2.) Books that make you think about your life
3.) People that think about their lives
4.) My cat, she's always there
5.) Music with depth
6.) Soul searching
7.) Myself, I do have an ego
8.) Experiencing something new
9.) aestheticaly appealing surroundings
10.) The Rain (it's time to crush this feeling...)

I tag:
The four people on my friend's list who haven't already been taged. You know who you are!

I am generaly opposet to this sort of thing.

2005-11-10T04:47:19Z

Download this:

The Emo Song

Right now.

If you are not falling off of your seat laughing by the end of that video, something is terribly, terribly wrong with you.

And How Wonderful It Was

2005-11-09T07:10:40Z

I'm late, again. Excited, but late. Because, my dear friends, Saturday night was the best night in recent memory, for I had the privilege to see Bauhaus in concert.

Haley and myself decide, seeing that the only reliable vehicle at the time was a white minivan, to take the lightrail downtown. Additionally, because both Haley and myself like to think ahead about such matters, we decide that knowing the location of the theater is irrelevant and, surly, we will find other black-clad fans to follow. This logic kind-of, sort-of worked out in the end, as we did find other people going to the concert on the train; however, we did not anticipate that people could be so drunk so early in the evening. After sharing lipsticks and confusedly chatting with an man on the phone who's name may have been Carl, we wander seemingly aimlessly through Denver trying to find the Paramount (eventually succeeding, of course).

The start time for the concert has been pushed back half an hour, because that sort of thing only happens at all the concerts I go to apparently. Some very cute, very gay guy complimented me on my hair while waiting to get in. (Straight boys: I don't bite, I promise.) Shirts bought, seats found, hurry up and wait. To pass the time, we contemplate how much one's friends must hate you to allow you to go out in public with a white greasepaint face, incomprehensibly bad eyeliner, red lipstick, a cheesy poet's shirt, a bad red vest that accentuates one's stomach, and (God help this man) a full length black cape. The answer? Your friends are pirates and probably only have one good eye. I don't believe I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

The lights dim, the speakers can be felt throughout the theater, and, without an introduction, Bauhaus takes the stage.

I have never seen such a spectacular show put on with nothing more than a fog machine and lights. Or such a spectacular show period. Coordinating lights during the refrain of Burning from the Inside, Spiraling searchlights for She's in Parties. Peter Murphy as a glowing silhouette, an up-light panel of floor on Daniel Ash when he played the saxophone, the fact that Ash's guitar was a mirror that reflected light throughout the whole theater.

And the tension. How that tiny stage held the clashing egos of Peter Murphy and Daniel Ash is quite beyond me. Being the vocalist, the spotlight was predominately on Murphy, which Ash was obviously trying to counteract with his multi-faceted guitar, the up-light, and the fact that he is unnaturally good looking for his age. (Seriously, I don't know how he has done it, but Daniel Ash is still fucking hotter than hell.) Certainly the crowning moment of "battle" was when the two were circling each other mock (?) taunting each other around the stage.

They guaranteed themselves a second encore by not playing Bela Lugosi's Dead during the main set or the first encore (which included a wretched cover of Slice of Life), which was a bit of a cop-out, but the more time with Bauhaus, the better.

Absolutely Fucking Fantastic.

I'm gone....

2005-10-11T06:21:18Z

...Till Saturday. Viewing colleges and whatnot. Again, feel free to spam my account, I'm dissappointed more of you didn't take advantage of that last time I was away.

Love!

Heirs to the Throne

2005-10-02T23:19:48Z

Feeding my Ego.

Neil Gaiman last night.

2005-09-29T04:37:08Z

Holy hell, the Neil Gaiman book signing was spectacular. First off, it was Abbie, Amanda, me, and about 500 of our other closest friends packed into a room designed for perhaps 250 people. Even though we were in the mid 300's, we had the best seats in the house because we sat on the floor right next to the podium and no one told us to move.

After about an hour of making conversation in the increasingly heated room, Gaiman comes in wearing all black, leather jacket, and about 5 inches shorter than I thought he'd be. He was surprisingly quiet, I don't think he cracked a smile the entire time, although he made several quirky jokes involving parentheses and Terry Pratchett dancing like a pixie.

After the speech, we wandered outside for the next two or so hours waiting for our numbers to be called for the signing. I had to leave at 10:30 with no signed book, but I gave Abbie $20 to buy an earlier ticket and get my book signed too and she got it done.

Also, Pratt accepted my portfolio this past Sunday, as a sort of follow up to my last post. Not that anyone cares, but hey.

Portfolio reviews...

2005-09-22T01:48:03Z

Tomorrow marks the first portfolio review of this year. I'm nervous as hell despite the fact the college was offering me scholarships last year.

I know I'm good, but that's just in school; now I'm competing against the entire country instead of Chatfield Senior High.

True hell comes on a Sunday.

Autumn

2005-09-16T04:07:18Z

The leaves were turning, but I hadn’t noticed.

I was closing at work, in clothes that weren’t my own, and looking down. The pebbled sidewalk was littered with brown paper leaves, crunching under foot. Look up, the aspen are no longer kelly green, but have begun to yellow around the edges.

The world has changed, it’s always changing. Am I changing with it?

It feels like I’m missing something important.

Dreaming of...

2005-08-20T20:13:34Z

I've been remembering my dreams lately, which is odd for me. And, because certain people have informed me that I do not update my journal often enough, I'm writing them down.

In the first dream, I am waiting at a bus stop and accuse a man of impersonating Andrew Eldrich because of his sunglasses. The guy laughs and informs me that he is blind. Anyways, we somehow end up dating (because that is just how dreams work.) And basically I was happy because I knew this guy liked me for who I am and not what I look like. Not much to analyze there.

The next dream took place in California at an anime convention. I was staying with my friends Julie and Hannah in a hotel near the convention. It is raining outside, and Hannah took Julie's umbrella and left without us. Julie gets pissed off and we start to search for another. Some rather attractive businessman with black hair and blue eyes eventually helps us find a bright blue umbrella in a mini refrigerator. Also, PVC clothing made it into that dream somewhere, but I don't recall where.

In the third and final dream, I am weathering the Apocalypse. Haley, Jose, someone I understand to be my husband, and I are hiding in a basement as it rains bullets outside. A man knocks at the door and is delivering something (possibly pizza, I don't remember too well) and, as the man is leaving, he attempts to take Haley's cat, Tigger (who has a tumor on his back, I don't know if that makes a difference.) I try to take the cat back, and Tigger rip's the guys face off with his back claws to reveal that he was an alien/demon. Try analyzing that.

I also started a painting last night over an old self portrait. I decided that giant self portraits were Corey's thing. Besides, the face was too unlike me and the task of fixing that was too daunting. Oh well, new painting in the works, as mentioned before.

l0l5saturdaynit @ 2005-07-03T18:58:00

2005-07-04T01:09:49Z

Have you ever climbed out of a shower, sprawled out on the floor, and just felt your blood move through your body? Felt the blood gather pressure, waiting to be released with the next beat of your heart? Your entire body shifts slightly against the floor due to the movement of your veins. And if you stare really, really intently, your vision pulses with the heart and the world around you throbs. It is simple, really. Our blood is circulating all the time, it is what keeps us alive. But do you ever notice?

Back from Europe!

2005-06-26T16:57:00Z

Few days late, but I'm back from Europe. Fucking spectacular continent, Europe. I would recommend it to anyone. The cities are beautiful (or at least those that were not bombed out during WWII), the culture is more interesting, there are more attractive men in eyeliner in Europe. Respectively, most people outside of England weren't too keen on Americans, But most people thought I was either German or Swedish (must have been those braided pigtails I was sporting).

I successfully tripled the amount of churches I have set foot in during the past 3 weeks. At least they were beautiful, if I didn't think that Christianity was seriously messed up, those cathedrals might have convinced me to convert. But Christianity is seriously messed up, so no chance of that. Museums were also interesting. I am personally torn between Goethe's house/museum or the history of torture museum as far as favorites go (although I think torture wins out.)

Enjoyed the lowered drinking age, although avoided getting drunk. Raspberry beer and cider (the alcoholic, carbonated drink) are the proverbial shit. Absinthe is overrated.

Did not get kissed in Europe, which, apparently, was something I was supposed to do (bringing my grand total of people I have kissed in a romantic manner up to zero). Did get asked if I was famous, and if I was a model. And some deaf kid was playing with my boots at the Tower of London, which was cute.

To Europe I go

2005-06-07T04:49:29Z

I'm going to be in Europe for the next two and a half weeks (more specificaly England, Belgium, Germany, and Austria) and, as such, will not be able to interact with anyone as I will be enjoying the lowered drinking age and heavily acented young men. If you were ever compelled to spam my blog with comments on what a bitch I am, now would be the time.

Colorado Dark Arts Festival!

2005-06-01T00:25:11Z

Okay, soooo, it's a few days late, but the Dark Arts festival was awesome! The atmosphere was spectacular, it made me remember why I love the Gothic subculture.

John showed up his ex on several occasions (may I add, John is much better looking than his ex). Through all his worries and doubts, John is a much stronger person than he allows himself to be. It was nice to see him show some pride and confidence in himself.

Of course, there is no celebration to showing up one's ex quite like being tied up and suspended from the ceiling of a nightclub by a man named "Master Goliath."

I fell in love with the hat seen above, and promptly bought it.

Spoke with a rather attractive Industrial guy at The Netherworld, but I left him alone after noticing the 21+ bracelet. He found me again in the basement of Rock Island, and we chatted some more. It's rather awkward telling a 28 year old that you are only 17...

Julie exchanged numbers with a cute East Indian guy (who may or may not have had fake fangs :/)

And Haley took tons of pictures! Not to mention, kept a smile on everyone's face.

Thank the Whatever-it-is that I'll be able to stay longer next year, and will no longer be jail-bait.